So I was out longbording today, I went down a fast hill with a skinny turn and bailed out and smashed my face on a pole. So it was interesting, I ended up breaking a tooth in half and busting my lip, and chiping my 2 front teeth. I have to get a 2 root canals, and I have to get 2 implants, and on crown. Ok so I want to talk about how I felt, after it happened I was shocked, I was going about 20 miles per hour so it was quite an impact. I started saying " WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK!" and then I saw a peice of tooth on the ground and was like FUCK! thats when I started to get bummed out about my teeth, I give value to my teeth and how they look, I have always had straight 'perfect' teeth. So I rode back towards town and was bleeding alot spitting out blood and ok I am just going to talk about my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I had back chat 'fuck now no girl is going to want me', 'fuck I am fucked' I actually found myself quite stable within this experince which was cool. I got kindof depressed when I went into the doctor to get cleaned up. And when I was about to go in for an emergency dental thing I was with my mom and I was feeling very bummed and upset. I started crying, I was angry at myself for allowing myself to put myself into this situation. It was interesting because I realize now that I am the only one to blame for anything that happens to me. But I started crying and I said "Im just upset because of this, I am also upset because you have to pay a shit load of money because I fucked up." Then she told me its only going to cost a little bit because we have insurance. So it was an interesting day, I fucked my face up bad but it will heal and I am getting my teeth fixed, you live and you learn, I could be pissed right now and trying to look back at were I could have done somthing diferent but I would rather remain here and go with the flow because it is what it is. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put myself into a situation were I can be harmed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be depressed because my teeth got fucked up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for accepting and allowing myself to put myself into this situation.
I will no longer accept and allow myself to hang out with 'friends' who are not supporting themselfs and living towards a solution, and living to change the system, living to bring about a world that is best for all. I will not allow myself to use the excuse of needing someone to enjoy myself with.
I really wanted to just have a fun time today, I need to find some other hobbies that are less dangerous : P .
I am actually very lucky because if I would have hit my head I would most likely be in the hospitol or dead, but the whole impact was taken by my teeth and a little by my chin. I actually looked at the pole and saw were my teeth chiped the paint off.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beleive that I must have perfect teeth in order to have a relationship with a women.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am fucked as far as my apperence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give worth to how good my teeth look or others.
Its funny because this has showed me alot, alot of points about apperence and how much worth is given to it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and alllowed myself to think that I am fucked.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my teeth a value based on self interest and based on what I define as 'a perfect smile'
I will remain here in and as breath and will direct myself in this situation and will not accept or allow myself to be angry or depressed about my apperence.
I remember saying after this "I am just really bummed because I have always had perfect teeth, that is something I have always had and now there fucked." I was soooo bummed out. My parents have always told me how lucky I am to have straight perfect teeth and how lucky I am to not have to get braces and how I have a perfect smile. And it has been like engrained within me to give value and worth to my teeth and how 'perfect' they are. Interesting ok I am done with this for now, more to come on this point.